I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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