Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
