Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
