Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
