Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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