I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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