ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
