you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
