would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The air was thick with penises
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
