mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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