the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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