nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
