I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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