my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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