opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never underestimate the power of titties
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