Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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