You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
