You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
