need another drink. this is the easiest way
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
