there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I want is dick and wine.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
