he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
