i was born a porn star she said
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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