We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
