Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
