Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
