Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
