were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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