I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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