I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
