Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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