Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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