My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
