The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
