Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
