I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
