at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
