My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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