opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
