i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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