i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
