I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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