Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
