just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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