I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
