My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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