i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
