Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
