she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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