she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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