ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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